>Why I deserve an Ocelot

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Oc-e-lot: [os-uh-lot, oh-suh-]

–noun
a spotted leopardlike cat, Felis pardalis, ranging from Texas through South America: now greatly reduced in number and endangered in the U.S. (dictionary.com)

a.k.a

BADASS.

I know what you are thinking, that’s a wild animal. and you’re damn right that’s a wild fucking animal !! I need one of these things asap. Here’s why:

1. Look how fucking cute this thing is? Could you imagine coming over to my place and being hit with this 25 lbs bundle of spotted nuzzle-face? I bet when it purrs it sounds like a motor engine, like a little mustang five-oh in my lap just purring its endangered ass off.

2. speaking of which, it’s endangered. i would be doing my part to conserve the species! i could make my home into an Ocelot habitat, not to mention its probably one hell of a mouser. can we say tax rebate?

3. after my little fiasco this weekend with Katt, i need some thing to eat her. well, maybe not “eat,” maul maybe? my car still smells like cat shit people! it’s winter and i can’t open the windows, try to feel my pain.

4. two words: guard cat. picture this, robber breaks into my shit right, then BAM! Ocelot in yo face! i’m going to say this again. FUCKING OCELOT IN YO FACE!! could you imagine?

5. not to mention this thing is fuckin ballin’, throw a gold chain around its neck and you are nothing less than a Boss with an Ocelot. and that’s what Tameaka Haynes is, a Boss. What chu know bout my Ocelot bitch, gimme my money!

I’m now taking donations for the Ocelot fund. my birthday is in a year people, make this happen

>Being Tameaka Haynes

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There will be a few types of posts I am going to put on here, you are now being introduced to the first: “Being Tameaka Haynes” which will basically be a story about some stupid bullshit the universe decides to piss all over me. Shall we get started?

Pictured, is my 2 year old cat, “Katt.” Seemly uncreative, the name actually fits her very well, because Katt is well…simple. I’m pretty sure she is mentally disabled in some way. Katt fails at felinism. She falls off ledges, gets beat up by the dog, eats my hair (like a true r’tard) and pretty much spends her existance sitting atop the couch ledge and farting in my face while sleeping with her tongue out. Katt is also another thing, a rescue. I paid a hundred fucking dollars at an adoption fair while people are throwing free kittens out of parade floats at Mardi Gras, just so i could feel good about “doing my part” for unwanted animals. The universe should have smiled on me with the worlds most loving, athletic, master mouser in Herculean proportions of a feline, and what do I get? Katt.

01/27/2011: Katt goes missing. She was last seen inside the house, however she does go out from time to time, assume she is out clubbing and will grab a taxi home.

01/28/2011: Morning, Katt is still missing, I start to get worried. Search the house and see no cat, Raj has not seen her either, so we can only assume she spent the night on her friends couch. Weather is far, so she should be fine, and come home soon.

01/28/2011: Afternoon, concerned. checked Craigslist and humane society, no cat to be found. Start to wonder if she has been killed, or held Ransom. Start searching classifieds for replacement cat.

01/28/2011 Afternoon: The boys and I need to head to a birthday party so we all head to the car to get going. I pop open the car door, and who would appear, but Katt! This dumb pussy had hopped into the back seat of the car as the boys got out of the car last night, then was shut in and got stuck there for about 18 hours. Have you ever gone over 18 hours without going to the bathroom? Well neither has Katt. She took a straight dump on the front passenger floorboard and it didn’t take long to find. (for all you non cat owners) unburied cat shit smells like the equivalent of 3 day old vomit microwaved on high. Now I can officially say my ’09 Mitsu Lancer is the shit! Thanks Katt, glad you aren’t dead.

>Welcome !!

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Welcome to Rallys Rants and Randoms by yours truely!! If you thought my Facebook posts were entertaining, then be prepared to get your cyber mind blown fool! This blog will now be my sounding board for any and everything I feel like sharing, saying, or bitching about to you my loyal friends : ) I’ll include some art, updates on the family and boys, and of course everything in the whole wide world that pisses me off. There will be hilarity! there will be beauty! and of course, there will be copius uses of the word FUCK, to describe things i feel strongly about. So hide yo kids, hide yo wife, and hop on for the fucking ride bitches! *insert evil laugh*

smooches,

TaFreaka